Add first four ingredients to large cooking pot. Those with less adventurous palates may opt out of adding the mousetrap as it can make the dining experience quite painful (ER visits have been reported). Be sure to make a pretty circle around the pot with your garlic. If you don’t feel comfortable boiling a kitten alive, you may of course opt out of adding it (though some argue that this ingredient is essential). Mash all other ingredients in pot with pumpkin. Move to stovetop. Add fucking handfuls of salt to taste. Add black pepper and black pepper container. Add one teacup of water. Serves two. Bon appétit, for the love of Mike.